Running – Page 30 – GUTSy Performance Nutrition

for the joy

December 7, 2015November 7, 2018by Rebecca6 Comments

I went for a run the other day, an easy four miles, and I found myself having to hold back at the end. Again.

Several years ago when William and I were first dating, we’d run together frequently, getting to truly know each other over our running-with-another-styles. Will was content to always keep it casual, slow and easy. My competitive streak had me unconsciouslessly always staying one step ahead with random surges thrown in whenever I felt good. I’d often laugh recklessly and pick it up a little more when he wanted to slow down. I tend to get faster as the miles add up while he likes to rush out at the beginning and then slow down. I’m stronger-willed. I usually set the pace. Despite our differences, we got into a habit of finishing each run with a little sprint to the end. It was never a set time or distance, just somewhere close to our finishing point, we’d glance at each other, mutter something like “race you to…” and take off. William usually won. It was so so fun.

Running hasn’t been so easy or joyful this year. I have been battling my body and mind this entire year. I finally figured out my mind has identified its body as perpetually injured. Despite the belief that I will eventually be injury-free, my daily thought pattern does nothing to support this mindset. Any time something new feels off, my mind goes into a two to six day anxiety party, in which I can focus on almost nothing else except the thing that is off, worrying about “what-if it…”, and then after those first few days have past, I accept the off-feeling as the new norm, and it becomes the problem. All of this happens before any doctor can actually identify anything is truly wrong. It is a bad pattern that I’ve finally acknowledged and am attempting to stop vicariously jumping into. I’ve also come to terms with the idea that my mind thrives on (and is perpetually sickened by) a stressful environment. And it doesn’t matter what is actually happening in life, whether my current circumstances are actually worthy of stress, my mind always finds something to be stressed about. For me, the link between mental stress and physical symptoms, in any myriad of ways, is real. I have accurately identified a whole host of physical ills I’ve suffered over the years that are linked to stress. I have a great doctor that supports my theories. It is crazy this mind-body connection. The good thing here is that I’ve finally acknowledged this internal battle and I know it is not the way I want to live.

Running is where I seek a lot of mental solace. And since my physical body has been somewhat out of commission all these months, my mind has freely been running havoc instead. After a substantial amount of crying and worrying and praying this year, asking Him repeatedly why he gave me this particular challenge to overcome, I was practically smacked in the face one day in adoration at church with the realization that this has been such a good year. I have had to stop running, at first physically and then mentally, and actually work through the baggage that I had been holding on to. I’ve had to stop, just sit, literally, and simply feel every thing I’ve spent my entire life avoiding feeling.

Deacon Anderson had a Carl Jung quote/paraphrase one Sunday in church that has been my truth this year. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. We’ll eat, we’ll drink, we’ll play with our cell phones, we’ll have sex, we’ll throw ourselves into our work, we’ll exercise until we drop, we’ll buy stuff, we’ll do anything, anything, to avoid this journey and this struggle, to keep from embracing our shadow, he shared.

This year, I’ve sat with, cried with, yelled at, wanted to rip out and throw away, run with, forgiven, soothed, gotten to know, and finally, faced my soul. It has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

It has been the best thing I have ever done.

And it is an ongoing, never-ending, daily practice. It is a complete lifestyle change to know and face my soul, to continue acknowledging it rather than running away. So far, it does not get easier with time.

And so, running. Running and work and blogging and food and family and making a home and being a sister, aunt, daughter, wife, cousin, friend, teacher, and mentor. And living. Above all, I want to live and experience peace in each moment, let all my worries and what-ifs and over-whelming, self-imposed schedule go, acknowledge but not engage with those thoughts that will always try to take over, and let them go. And again. Every goddamn day starting over.

When I let all my worries go, I realize I am happy. Despite whatever chaos I’ve brought on myself or the world has imposed, I am happy. There is joy when I write and joy when I pray. There is joy in my interactions, joy in throwing my schedule out and going with someone else’s plans. There is joy in running that has nothing to do with managing my body, that is no longer based on being able to withstand the pain for a little while, but actual joy in realizing that despite whatever might feel slightly off, my body does not have to be a battleground, and the last mile of a four or five or easy six miler feels good and I feel like sprinting it in to the end again–simply for the joy of it.

Big Tasty Winter Salad with Brussels Sprouts, Kale, Squash + Candied Hazelnuts

When it comes to holiday gatherings, I’m the salad person in my family. Every year I have somehow shown up to Thanksgiving or Christmas with Brussels sprouts–and then the relatives tell me they’ve spent their entire lives not liking them but they look forward to mine. I guess that is the highest compliment a vegetable-loving, on-a-mission-to-get-people-to-eat-their-veggies lady can receive. Spinning off the sweet dressing and candied nuts in my Pittsburgh Salad, I decided to throw all my favorite wintry salad things in a big ol’ Thanksgiving-sized bowl and feed people greens again this year. And it worked. I’ve made this salad a couple times since and it is tasty enough that I might take it to every social gathering between now and the end of winter squash season (that’s around mid-March for me). It is just that good.

1 bunch kale, stems removed and leaves chopped

1 small or 1/2 a medium winter squash, roasted and then cut into medium-large chunks

a small to medium handful of dried cranberries, raisins, or cherries, or a handful of each

1 lb. Brussels sprouts, bottoms and outer leaves removed and halved, if they are large

1 Tbs. olive oil

For the candied hazelnuts:

3/4 cup raw hazelnuts

3/4 tsp. olive oil

1/2 tsp. honey

1/8 tsp. salt

Cayenne pepper

For the vinaigrette:

2 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil

2 Tbs. balsamic vinegar

1 Tbs. whole-grain mustard

1 Tbs. honey

salt and pepper to taste

On a large baking pan, toss Brussels sprouts with a good drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 15-20 minutes in an oven preheated to 350 degrees F.
While the Brussels are roasting, prep kale and put it in a large mixing bowl, along with the roasted squash and dried fruits. Once the Brussels begin to soften but still have a little crunch, remove them from the oven, and pour them atop the kale and give it a quick stir. This will begin to soften up the kale.
Spread the hazelnuts in a small baking pan or on the same dish the Brussels came off of, and toast until just beginning to brown, about 10 minutes. Remove and let cool slightly. Then, toss them with 1/8 tsp. salt and a good pinch of cayenne pepper. Drizzle with the 3/4 tsp. oil and 1/2 tsp. honey. Toss them all into the bowl with the Brussels and kale.
Make the vinaigrette by whisking the remaining oil, honey, mustard, and vinegar in a small dish. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pour it in small batches over the salad ingredients until you’ve dressed it with your desired amount.

Journal, Running, Summertime

A Race, A Pep Talk + Mid-Summer Notes

July 23, 2015July 24, 2015by RebeccaLeave a Comment

A couple weeks ago I ran a little 5k race. William was running a half marathon and I decided rather than feeling sorry for myself and being a poor spectator and cheerleader, I would do an easy run as part of the 5k. I knew doing so would be difficult because I love competitions and races are normally a time to test myself. I knew I needed to treat this “race” like a different kind of competition—a competition to test whether I could be in a race situation and do the smart thing for me right now, which is to go slow and easy because of my injury. I also knew that I needed and wanted to look after more than myself, that I needed a greater purpose than simply willpower as a way to achieve this. I set an intention to encourage others throughout the race.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t feel like an adequate cheerleader. I prefer boosting others by offering an insightful encouragement in a private, one-on-one setting. It is discomforting to offer public encouragement and during this particular three mile jaunt, I couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. Instead, I was torn between feeling like everyone was incredibly slow, resulting in me wanting to yell at them all to get their asses in gear like our local high school football coaches, and one of silently urging them to do better, to keep it up, and to not give up. Meanwhile, I kept passing people. Thus, in between the already conflicted mental “encouragement,” I was competing with an internal voice which kept saying, If you were being stupid, you could have gone out at the front and won this 5k without a single speed workout in seven months. This was a truly powerful feeling to know and acknowledge the experience of being competitive was there for the taking if I wanted to, though at the expense of my injury and healing.

In the past, I greatly struggled with self doubt. I still do to an extent but not in the same way I did then. I felt unworthy to achieve my goals. I’ve had multiple discussions in the past about focusing on the big picture—not screwing up the overall trajectory in a single workout for the fun of it—and I’ve really struggled with this too. I have especially struggled with it these last few months because my feet get sore hours after a run is completed and stay sore for several days, making it especially difficult to gauge whether I’m pushing them too hard until the damage is done. Since that week of the race, they have been especially sore, and I’ve had to drastically cut back on running.

I want to run longer, faster, and harder than I have been able to. I want to pour my all into a run again and feel my lungs burn. I want to test my ability to compete with my mind when it is at the point of giving up. I want to mentally smash through the wall of disbelief in self that I had in the past and put every rough day I’ve had in this down-period behind me by breaking through to the other side in a tough run. In short, I want retribution for these months of inactivity. I want to feel badass a couple times a week by doing a good job at a hard effort. I like difficult. I like fast. I like adrenaline. I like competing with myself.

Last fall, I was doing exceptionally well at the mental side of running. During a training cycle, my favorite runs are track workouts. I look forward to them each week and I see them as an opportunity to train my mind more than I do as a way to get faster. I was able to get into a place during many weeks where I could push through every self doubt that came my way. I had mantras. I had a vision. I had the experience of giving up in past races that mattered, which I channeled, and I envisioned playing it smart and tactical throughout each repeat until I needed to give it my all in the final ones, just like in an important race.

Throughout these past few months, I’ve used this same track workout tactic a couple times to get through rough days or random push-up sessions. Realistically, I should use the tactic more right now when I need to take it easy, to cut short runs or not even begin them and rest instead. Rather than get caught in the downer mood of “not getting to”, I can focus on the big picture. I can channel being smart and tactical. I can use my visioning to push away mental doubts. Like the end of a track workout, it is mentally tough to focus on my overall trajectory and think about why I run as a lifestyle, rather than give up on my future goals and run today just to say I did. Ultimately, I run not to kick ass at a small town 5k without training and not to go as hard as possible consistently until I grind myself into perpetual injury. I no longer run to fearfully manage my weight or body image. I run because it feels as imperative to my health and happiness as brushing my teeth, showering daily, and smiling at strangers. I run to experience the joy of connecting to Jesus, of actively-meditating, and getting away from my anxious, overanalyzing mind.

Because I’m an achiever and a competitor, there will always be much joy in working toward faster, better, and stronger. This isn’t going away. But I recognize that in all pursuits we go through trials and low-points. We get tested in ways we didn’t foresee and we struggle with doubt not only in whether we can achieve our dreams, but whether we can even attempt them. This is okay. It means the dreams matter.

I’m going to end by sharing two statements/mantras that inspire me to keep going and I hope will be of use to others:

There is a quote plastered to my day-planner from a random Rich Roll podcast which says, You have within you the ability to realize anything you desire; otherwise you wouldn’t desire it in the first place. This statement is my go-to reminder every time doubts creep in. Some days, I have to employ it over and over again to cancel out the fear-based self talk.

I’ve been carrying around a water bottle boldly printed with the mantra, Head up. Wings out. It reminds me daily that the fight, the flight, the journey, the attitude employed in each and every step along the way is more important than the outcome. Pursuing happiness daily and overcoming the moments of doubt, worry, and our own selves keeping us “stuck” are actually the big achievements.

In whatever you are working on these days–whatever you are hoping for or doubting you can accomplish–know that we all are far stronger, far more capable that we give ourselves credit for. Keep your head up. Keep your wings out. You get the opportunity to wake up each day and begin again. Focus on your overall trajectory. Experience the journey. I believe in you. And I finally believe in me too!

——————————————————————-

And with that, here are a few meals and long and short reads, listens, and watches that I’ve been enjoying lately.

Eating: All the recipes from Sprouted Kitchen Bowl + Spoon, but these are my favorites so far!

– The Hippie Bowl

– Marrakesh Carrot Salad

– Lentil Tapenade

– Slivered Vegetable and Soba Salad with Mapled Tofu

– Roasted Tamari Portobello Bowl with Tahini-Kale Slaw

– The Last Meal Salad

and other recipes that are divine:

– Grilled Zucchini + Radicchio Salad with Arugula, Cherries + Bourbon Vinaigrette

– Fava Bean Hash Pan from Vegetarian Everyday

– Spiced Millet Pilaf with Beetroot + Mint Pesto

– Coconut + Fennel Tart

Toast in other places:

Mushrooms + Garbanzos on Toast with Cider + Thyme, my recipe was a Community Pick months ago on Food52. Recently it was also featured in their round-up of 17 toasts. For the summer months, I’ve especially been enjoying Zucchini Toasts, Cashew Ricotta + Dukkah.

Currently Reading:

Skippy Dies. This book reminds me why I love great literature. I’m nearly through it and super excited to discover Paul Murray, who is about to release a new novel.

Vegetable Literacy. This is the cookbook that I sit down and read for hours on slow summer weekends. It then inspires me to go take care of my garden.

Running with Joy. I’m still re-reading Ryan Hall’s training journal day-by-day and finding lots of insightful faith-related takeaways.

Short Bits:

Running and Yoga. Yoga has been my go-to on non run days. I don’t know that it is truly helping my foot, but it is definitely my best mental cross-training in lieu of running.

Listening to:

The Rich Roll Podcast. There were some really great episodes these last few weeks. Or maybe I’m going through a phase.

Light Bits to Watch:

Runners Racing the London Public Transportation. I love these types of videos. If ever there were an opportunity, I’d so like to race public transportation and I practice daily with the stairs vs. elevator at work. ;)

Runners talking About Running. A short video that reminds me why I’m glad there are more runners at my work than aspiring magicians!

Journal, Running, Summertime

Character Training- A Running Update + My Good Energy Maca “Latte”

June 19, 2015July 23, 2015by Rebecca5 Comments

I’m re-reading one of my favorite books about running right now. It’s Ryan Hall’s Running With Joy, which is his daily journal that he kept in preparation for the 2010 Boston Marathon. I seem to quote Ryan a lot on this blog because he’s my first and favorite elite athlete. Ryan offers a Christian perspective to his training that can be applied to any area of life and it’s one that I relate to and gain perspective from often, both as a runner and in my faith-life.

One of the latest little gems that I picked up from Ryan was on character training. …I’m trying to keep a positive attitude but it’s tough, Ryan says. I want to see this as an opportunity for Christ to work in me and develop my character. Character training is harder than any workouts I do.

If you’re a regular reader, you may or may not remember that I went into a running slow-down a few months ago around the turn of the year. I stopped running completely due to a weird foot injury. The whole experience brought about an unearthing of a lot of deep emotional baggage through which I’m still sifting and processing. The short and simple update on the injury is that I’m still working through it. My feet seem to bounce back and forth between one hurting one day or week, and the other the next. I’ve come back up to a few miles a week and people ask me all the time how I’m doing, whether I’m back to running. For the most part, my answer is “no, not really.” I say this even though my garmin and training journal clearly show progress. Some part of the perfectionistic, type-A runner in me does not consider 10-15 easy miles per week running even though it’s clearly what I’ve been doing. To be clear, this outlook only applies to myself. If I had this conversation with any other person, I’d want to smack them on the forehead and affirm, “You’re a runner. You’re running!”

I bought the training journal in the above picture as a gift to self last fall, after a particularly big-for-me accomplishment. I saved it up for the beginning of the year, as I was looking forward to putting it to use to accomplish some big goals. When the injury appeared and I had to stop running completely, I did not want to use it. It made me feel like crap to be logging zero-miles for weeks at a time, even worse to have gone to the gym to cross train and realize I couldn’t do that either. I made a pact with myself that I’d still use it though, choosing to write down where I was at both mentally and physically and provide an accurate recording of the experience. In the past, I haven’t been so good about this and I look back at old training journals and see only a record of miles or times logged. There’s never been much description of where my head has been or how my body has felt. I have had lots of past injuries and none of them have been as mentally traumatic as this one. From the beginning, I have felt there is something significant to learn from this experience.

I find that life often throws messages at me from all angles, bombarding me when there’s something I need to work on. Last week, it was the idea that I do A LOT of negative self-talk. I do it without realizing. I yell fairly violent words at myself for being clumsy, for forgetting, for being less-than-my-best. I bottle up and resent parts of me, I throw angry thoughts at my feet, and then push them as far as I know they can go in running. I will them to feel better, all the while silently berating them for being so broken. It was suggested that I recognize when I’m being negative and simply work on stopping those thoughts at their very beginning, with the idea that illness begins in the mind and can subsequently influence bodily illness. After having multiple professionals look at the physical reasons/weaknesses that might be causing and perpetuating the injury to no avail, I feel even more resolute in this.

My New Year’s Resolution was Thankfulness brings Increase, the idea of taking what God has given, no matter the joy or suffering, give thanks for it, and use it for His good. This practice has helped me to feel unbelievably blessed in much of my life, and I’ve been able to recognize there are far more important things than me, my problems, and what I want to do. In the past week too, since the beginning of simply recognizing my personal negativity, it has been curbed dramatically, likely in part because I don’t truly think so little of myself as all the negative thinking might imply.

But–I’m also a pusher. I want to see progress of the physical sort. What was a celebration last week, if not progressing, feels like stagnancy and/or going backwards this week, and on and on. It is character training to not always be moving forward, getting better. I had a thought when I was in the middle of the zero-miles months that this phase is true preparation for the goals that are still waiting for me. I am being prepared mentally in ways I never could have been without this phase, for the time when I’m ready to be tested again physically.

I cannot agree more with Ryan’s words. Character training is far harder than any workouts I do or have done. It is far harder than any physical pain I have endured in this or previous injuries. And for that, today, I am especially thankful, for I see very real progress in character training. :)

Good-Energy Maca “Latte”, makes 1 steamy cuppa

Adapted from Laura, this is my good-energy drink of choice lately. There’s a lot of talk that maca, a root vegetable from the Andes, is an adaptogen, and helps the mind and body positively respond to stress. I’m not really interested in the exact science of it because I feel a genuine lift every time I sip it. The taste of maca reminds me mildly of butterscotch which pairs nicely with the flavors of ginger and turmeric, and the color, too, is cheerful, so there we have it. The pinch of black pepper isn’t necessarily noticeable in taste, but helps the turmeric be more bio-available. Add it if you like.

12 oz. unsweetened almond milk

2 tsp. maca

1/4 tsp. ground ginger

1/8 tsp. ground turmeric

a pinch of black pepper

sweetener of choice

In a small saucepan, whisk the maca and spices into the milk over medium heat. Once the mixture nearly begins to simmer, remove from heat, pour into a mug, and add sweetener to taste.