Journal – Page 19 – GUTSy Performance Nutrition

and Flying

February 8, 2016July 22, 2016by Rebecca1 Comment

I’ve finally accepted I don’t handle big, celebratory life events like most people. So I wasn’t jumping up and down excited the day we got the keys to our new house. Actually, I was wishing it would go away, the moving, the moving-on from the town that is home and the many special places there that I consider mine. My high school students asked my age the other day, and when we started talking about it, I shared how I won’t consider myself “grown up” until I reach 30. They laughed at me but were also surprised because as teenagers eager for freedom, they think becoming grown up happens at the exact turn of the clock to 18. Moving on from Corvallis means much to me for so many reasons, but at the bottom of it, it is the place where I’ve done all my formative growing up, where I belong to and am invested in the community, where my work is, and many individuals have shaped my life perspective.

William’s grandma accused me of not being very happy about the new house over the Christmas holiday. I explained it away with, I’ve only been in it once so it’s a little difficult to love yet, but I was well aware my lack of enthusiasm went deeper. Since then, many people have asked me if I love it and I can tell by their tone of voice that my honest response will burst all their happy-for-us excitement. Ultimately, loving a place (or person) comes from deeply knowing it, and this little space and I are only just getting acquainted. So no, I do not love it yet. But knowing we were eventually moving, I prayed about it for a long time. Finally, just a few days before William brought up the idea of purchasing instead of renting, I felt the peace with relocating that I had been asking for. Later, a couple days before we got the keys, I felt very strongly that there is work for me to be done in this new place, that He is calling us to Eugene for a reason, that it is okay to have little clarity right now.

A week and a half in to being a Eugene resident, I told William, I’ve skipped straight to the angry stage of culture shock with this town. I prefer a community a little smaller, a little less busy at 5:57 am, a little friendlier to my idea of getting across town, a few less barking dogs in our neighborhood, and many more cats(!). I was complaining, irritated, and aware of it. In other words, I was adjusting.

I have still to figure out which will be “my” grocery store, where I will enjoy running on a regular basis, how to take all the quiet(er) little shortcuts to where I am going. And I’ll have to meet and make some new local friends.

Corvallis taught me these things take time. But even though I’ve felt a little upended this last month since moving, I’m diving in to learning this community in the ways I tend to, with running and with food:

A couple weeks into the relocation, I was out running out at the edge of Alton Baker Park, near where the river gets a little wild and Eugene becomes Springfield. I remembered being on my pony, Angel, back at the ranch, about a mile from the house, on the road between the creek and the calving shed. I was around nine years old.

I remember leaning forward over Angel’s neck, letting the reins out, the hairs of her long mane tangling into mine, and feeling her fly, as fast as her legs could carry her. And I remembered that wild, heady freedom that a nine-year-old feels, completely absorbed in that moment, no fear, no coulds, shoulds, if-thens, but just there, all there in that rush, that moment, going as fast as we could go.

I relived that memory a moment and then I turned to run back towards home and my car, and my nine-year-old self and Angel faded behind me.

Back at that exact same spot a couple weeks later, the memory came back, just the same as before, unexpectedly, as if waiting for me. And then I connected the dots. So that’s why I’ve been running all these years, I thought. That’s why I love running fast especially. Perhaps I’ve been searching for that part of me I experienced with Angel all those years ago, that wild, carefree little girl who wasn’t afraid to go all out and live.

And then I smiled. This little city and I will get along just fine, I thought. There will undoubtedly be some growing pains, and I do miss the comforts of home in Corvallis, but I can tell there will be good things for me here.

So when friends ask, do I love the new house? my answer will likely continue to be hesitant. I don’t know that I will ever love the house, as I’ve never grown too attached to a building before. But I do get especially attached to places. And I’d like to tell them, in time, that I absolutely love this new place.

Broccoli, Collards + Kalamata Salad, serves 4-6

inspired by Sara’s Emerald Salad

William is on a broccoli kick lately. He asks for broccoli in everything. I had no idea he is partial to this vegetable until now, but glad I am because our school-garden-broccoli was such a success last year and I’m now planning on upping my broccoli-growing game in our new home garden this spring. Planning has already begun!

2 lbs. broccoli

1 large red onion

3 Tbs. extra-virgin olive oil, divided

zest of 1 orange

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. ground black pepper

3-5 cups collard greens (or other winter greens), thinly sliced

red pepper flakes

3 Tbs. orange juice

1 small handful flat-leaf parsley

¼ cup kalamata olives, sliced

¼ cup toasted hazelnuts, chopped

– Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.

– Chop the broccoli into 2-inch pieces; include the stems but discard the large, tough ends. Roughly chop the onion into large pieces. On a large bar pan lined with parchment paper, mix the broccoli pieces, onions, 2 Tbs. olive oil, orange zest, garlic, salt, and pepper. Once all the vegetables are nicely coated, roast in the oven for about 20 minutes, until the broccoli is starting to brown on top. Rotate the pan or stir halfway through.

– While the vegetables are roasting, remove the tough center stem and thinly slice the collards. Put them in a large mixing bowl. When the vegetables are roasted, pour them atop the collards to soften slightly and give the mix a good stir. Add the orange juice, pepper flakes, remaining tablespoon, if necessary, and toss with olives, parsley, and hazelnuts.

– Serve warm or chilled.

Journal, Winter

Roasted Sweet Potato with Cashew Butter + Za’atar

January 22, 2016March 7, 2016by Rebecca5 Comments

No matter how healthy I think my relationship with food is, there are a few foods that I am still cautious about. They’re ones I was once told to eat more of, with the implication that they would lead to some good, healthy weight gain. Those stigmatized foods are ones I mostly enjoy in my diet now but still I tend to eat them in small amounts, less often and/or cautiously. William has gotten hooked on Trail Butter in the past months, and he’ll slurp down two or three packets after dinner when we have it in the house. I’ve watched each time with a little twinge of envy, not for the desire to eat the Trail Butter itself, but to be able to down heavy doses of nut butter without a thought for anything other than the taste. Nuts and nut butters are on my caution list along with seeds, bananas, eggs, avocados, and the one I’ve shared about before, meat.

It is interesting to me now, how stigma around a food is far less healthy than any food itself. As I mentioned in my last post, I’m taking a class right now about redefining nutrition and I really love the conversations we’ve been having about nutritionism, reductionism, culture, and the similarity between diets and religion. What I didn’t mention is that I’m actually at the beginning of a nutrition and integrative health graduate program, with a focus on clinical nutrition and herbal medicine. It’s exciting and scary to think about a future off in the distance which I’m sure will look far different than the one I now imagine. Perhaps the biggest theme I’ve learned in these past few years is that much joy can be found in learning to let go of control and live in the unknown. After spending the last several years exploring options and figuring out what is true to me, this step is another case of trusting what I feel to be true will lead in the right direction.

As I embark on the learning and forming of the next few years, I want to have my preliminary intentions dropped here in this space to guide and remind of the bigger picture, as I inevitably get bogged down in the details of shaping what’s to come:

– I set out on this journey because I want to serve others. Stepping away from teaching in my own classroom these last three years, I’ve particularly missed the ability to build deep relationships with students and see and guide their progress. I want to be able to see that I am helping make a difference again.

– I’ve experienced many obstacles in my own pathway to health and had to navigate through the noise to find what is true for me. I’ve spent more time with specialists in the medical field in this last year than ever before because I still haven’t been able to kick whatever has been making my feet hurt. In the process, I’ve realized why it has taken me so long to trust this career direction is the right one for me: In the past, I had many specialists tell me “eat this,” “gain this,” “add this,” “stop this,” “take this pill,” etc., without understanding my journey as a patient, as a really fucking scared human inside a body, feeling very much alone. In this last year, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I go into every new encounter with a doctor or specialist with my guard up, with a “you-aren’t-trustworthy-until-you-prove-yourself” attitude—because of how my physical recovery was handled in the past. And though I’ve had better experiences this last year, there are still some that were remarkably similar to those not-great ones in the past.

I get that behavior change is incredibly challenging and I want to always remember what it’s like to be “on the other side”, to be the patient, to understand that his or her experiences change the way the things I will say are taken. I want to remember that much of what has been said to me in helpfulness when I am a patient has been taken wrongly by my mind that is either “fixed in illness” or focused only on fixing the problem so I can maintain my current behavior symptom-free. I won’t be able to always understand another person’s point of view or get an interaction right all the time. But I’d like to stay mindful about a perspective and an experience different than my own and respond accordingly, in a way that is more personal and personable than “eat this,” “add this,” “do this,” etc.

– I chose a program with a focus on integrative health and a specialty in herbal medicine because I cannot believe that any aspect of health operates in a bubble. When I’m short-changing the healthy fats in my diet, beginning to restrict quantities, or having a day when I come home stressed and tired and eat mindlessly and then guiltily judge myself for having consumed “too much,” my actions and reactions are generally not about the foods themselves. I get that food, nutrition, diets, and health are more complex than the focus on only food itself, I want to learn more of how others experience that, and be able to bring that understanding into practice.

I’ve chosen to learn more of herbal medicine particularly, as the healing of many of my major ailments and imbalances these past few years has been facilitated through herbs, food, and mindfulness alone. My own experience with plants has been life-changing; and I’ve long felt a connection to plants as if they hold life’s answers. I simply cannot wait to know (and share) more. Of interest to me now is the intersection between herbal medicine and sports nutrition. I don’t know if this will be an area I focus on in the future, but there are currently quite a few herbs of interest among the athletic community, considered “superfoods” by many, to help the body adapt and recover from stress. I’m excited to delve into both the ancient traditional use of these plants as medicine, and the modern evidence-based science of continuing to use them now.

– I believe there is great power in the mind and the human experience and I think we as individuals have a lot of power as patients and as self-healers. We tend to see our health as something to fix, or to have another person tell us how to fix with an “easy” answer. Most of us don’t view our bodies as friends, as guides, as part of our health journeys that have just as much to say (and perhaps more wisely than our rational minds) in how we become the persons we envision ourselves to be. I want to help others find their friend in their body, and reconnect their rational self with the self that already knows what it needs. I’m working on this myself these days. In fact, I’m thinking it might be both the biggest ongoing challenge and achievement I’ve undertaken.

So now, back at the beginning, I recognize I’m much like everyone else, down in the trenches with my own set of challenges: The Recipe Redux theme this month is to try something new in this new year. My new discovery comes in the way of a snack that I started craving one day during a run in the wet, (wet, wet) Oregon rain. It’s got one of those in-small-amounts foods I mentioned above that up until now I hadn’t tried—Cashew Butter—slathered in little spoonfuls atop a roasted sweet potato (or microwave-baked for those of us who come in hungry with sweet potato now cravings), and a hefty pinch of za’atar sprinkled atop. Admittedly, I slid back into old patterns one day and tried it without the cashew butter because I was afraid of too many of those nuts (point in case, I’m a work in progress), but the sweet potato and za’atar were definitely missing their key ingredient. So if you try it, I suggest adding all the ingredients.

Roasted Sweet Potato with Cashew Butter + Za’atar, serves 1

1 medium sweet potato, scrubbed and stabbed with a knife a few times to vent

1-2 spoonsfuls cashew butter

Za’atar, to taste

Roast the sweet potato on a square of foil in an oven, preheated to 400 degrees F, for about 40-50 minutes, or until soft all the way through. Alternatively, if in a hurry, it can be microwave-baked.
Slice open the sweet potato, mash gently, and then spoon the desired amount of cashew butter atop, allowing it to sink in, soften, and melt slightly.
Then add a pinch or two of za’atar, and serve!

Journal, Running, Winter

for the joy

December 7, 2015November 7, 2018by Rebecca6 Comments

I went for a run the other day, an easy four miles, and I found myself having to hold back at the end. Again.

Several years ago when William and I were first dating, we’d run together frequently, getting to truly know each other over our running-with-another-styles. Will was content to always keep it casual, slow and easy. My competitive streak had me unconsciouslessly always staying one step ahead with random surges thrown in whenever I felt good. I’d often laugh recklessly and pick it up a little more when he wanted to slow down. I tend to get faster as the miles add up while he likes to rush out at the beginning and then slow down. I’m stronger-willed. I usually set the pace. Despite our differences, we got into a habit of finishing each run with a little sprint to the end. It was never a set time or distance, just somewhere close to our finishing point, we’d glance at each other, mutter something like “race you to…” and take off. William usually won. It was so so fun.

Running hasn’t been so easy or joyful this year. I have been battling my body and mind this entire year. I finally figured out my mind has identified its body as perpetually injured. Despite the belief that I will eventually be injury-free, my daily thought pattern does nothing to support this mindset. Any time something new feels off, my mind goes into a two to six day anxiety party, in which I can focus on almost nothing else except the thing that is off, worrying about “what-if it…”, and then after those first few days have past, I accept the off-feeling as the new norm, and it becomes the problem. All of this happens before any doctor can actually identify anything is truly wrong. It is a bad pattern that I’ve finally acknowledged and am attempting to stop vicariously jumping into. I’ve also come to terms with the idea that my mind thrives on (and is perpetually sickened by) a stressful environment. And it doesn’t matter what is actually happening in life, whether my current circumstances are actually worthy of stress, my mind always finds something to be stressed about. For me, the link between mental stress and physical symptoms, in any myriad of ways, is real. I have accurately identified a whole host of physical ills I’ve suffered over the years that are linked to stress. I have a great doctor that supports my theories. It is crazy this mind-body connection. The good thing here is that I’ve finally acknowledged this internal battle and I know it is not the way I want to live.

Running is where I seek a lot of mental solace. And since my physical body has been somewhat out of commission all these months, my mind has freely been running havoc instead. After a substantial amount of crying and worrying and praying this year, asking Him repeatedly why he gave me this particular challenge to overcome, I was practically smacked in the face one day in adoration at church with the realization that this has been such a good year. I have had to stop running, at first physically and then mentally, and actually work through the baggage that I had been holding on to. I’ve had to stop, just sit, literally, and simply feel every thing I’ve spent my entire life avoiding feeling.

Deacon Anderson had a Carl Jung quote/paraphrase one Sunday in church that has been my truth this year. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. We’ll eat, we’ll drink, we’ll play with our cell phones, we’ll have sex, we’ll throw ourselves into our work, we’ll exercise until we drop, we’ll buy stuff, we’ll do anything, anything, to avoid this journey and this struggle, to keep from embracing our shadow, he shared.

This year, I’ve sat with, cried with, yelled at, wanted to rip out and throw away, run with, forgiven, soothed, gotten to know, and finally, faced my soul. It has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

It has been the best thing I have ever done.

And it is an ongoing, never-ending, daily practice. It is a complete lifestyle change to know and face my soul, to continue acknowledging it rather than running away. So far, it does not get easier with time.

And so, running. Running and work and blogging and food and family and making a home and being a sister, aunt, daughter, wife, cousin, friend, teacher, and mentor. And living. Above all, I want to live and experience peace in each moment, let all my worries and what-ifs and over-whelming, self-imposed schedule go, acknowledge but not engage with those thoughts that will always try to take over, and let them go. And again. Every goddamn day starting over.

When I let all my worries go, I realize I am happy. Despite whatever chaos I’ve brought on myself or the world has imposed, I am happy. There is joy when I write and joy when I pray. There is joy in my interactions, joy in throwing my schedule out and going with someone else’s plans. There is joy in running that has nothing to do with managing my body, that is no longer based on being able to withstand the pain for a little while, but actual joy in realizing that despite whatever might feel slightly off, my body does not have to be a battleground, and the last mile of a four or five or easy six miler feels good and I feel like sprinting it in to the end again–simply for the joy of it.

Big Tasty Winter Salad with Brussels Sprouts, Kale, Squash + Candied Hazelnuts

When it comes to holiday gatherings, I’m the salad person in my family. Every year I have somehow shown up to Thanksgiving or Christmas with Brussels sprouts–and then the relatives tell me they’ve spent their entire lives not liking them but they look forward to mine. I guess that is the highest compliment a vegetable-loving, on-a-mission-to-get-people-to-eat-their-veggies lady can receive. Spinning off the sweet dressing and candied nuts in my Pittsburgh Salad, I decided to throw all my favorite wintry salad things in a big ol’ Thanksgiving-sized bowl and feed people greens again this year. And it worked. I’ve made this salad a couple times since and it is tasty enough that I might take it to every social gathering between now and the end of winter squash season (that’s around mid-March for me). It is just that good.

1 bunch kale, stems removed and leaves chopped

1 small or 1/2 a medium winter squash, roasted and then cut into medium-large chunks

a small to medium handful of dried cranberries, raisins, or cherries, or a handful of each

1 lb. Brussels sprouts, bottoms and outer leaves removed and halved, if they are large

1 Tbs. olive oil

For the candied hazelnuts:

3/4 cup raw hazelnuts

3/4 tsp. olive oil

1/2 tsp. honey

1/8 tsp. salt

Cayenne pepper

For the vinaigrette:

2 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil

2 Tbs. balsamic vinegar

1 Tbs. whole-grain mustard

1 Tbs. honey

salt and pepper to taste

On a large baking pan, toss Brussels sprouts with a good drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 15-20 minutes in an oven preheated to 350 degrees F.
While the Brussels are roasting, prep kale and put it in a large mixing bowl, along with the roasted squash and dried fruits. Once the Brussels begin to soften but still have a little crunch, remove them from the oven, and pour them atop the kale and give it a quick stir. This will begin to soften up the kale.
Spread the hazelnuts in a small baking pan or on the same dish the Brussels came off of, and toast until just beginning to brown, about 10 minutes. Remove and let cool slightly. Then, toss them with 1/8 tsp. salt and a good pinch of cayenne pepper. Drizzle with the 3/4 tsp. oil and 1/2 tsp. honey. Toss them all into the bowl with the Brussels and kale.
Make the vinaigrette by whisking the remaining oil, honey, mustard, and vinegar in a small dish. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pour it in small batches over the salad ingredients until you’ve dressed it with your desired amount.