GUTSy Performance Nutrition

a powerful place: running, faith, life lessons

April 2, 2016by Rebecca1 Comment

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center. – Kurt Vonnegut

I’ve shared little snippets about my running injury over the last year or so, and even more about the upheaval to do with my eating disorder which came to the surface when I stopped running. My thinking about my body and my relationship to running was exceptionally anxious, fearful, obsessive, and controlling, and it took me a while to become aware, accept, and then work on that. At the same time, I feel less anxious and obsessive, and much more connected and active in my faith through running. This is a continuation of my processing, and I’ll share a summary at the end of this post:

Something changed one day. Or perhaps it was a gradual transition and one day it came into awareness. I was running in Alton Baker Park. It was mid-February and I was on the outer edge of Pre’s Trail and I had this thought: What if it all just doesn’t matter? What if all these things I’ve been worrying about and building up are not big deals? What if I set them down and walk away? What if this were my last run and tomorrow I go back to riding horses instead? Immediately, the response was there. It was a very noncommittal shoulder shrug saying, Sure, that would be fine.

The manic part of my brain fired back, You’re thinking that because you’re in the middle of a long run, in your happy place. You won’t be so happy tomorrow when you’re not experiencing this. There was fear in that thought, the fear of the what-ifs related to my body and my desire to control it. Those fears have plagued me.

But over the next several weeks, I kept circling back to that shoulder shrug, that lets not give such a fuck attitude. And I think right there I set down a little of the load, the attachment to an outcome, and there has since been a little space between where I’m at in the moment and what I wish for the future with running.

I am a little less attached to it, and certainly less anxious. On days when my feet or legs or body hurts in ways that are unexplainable, I’m often able to set down the pain and feel it only in the moment, not worrying so much about whether it will be there in the next moment, in the next day, in the way of the things I want to accomplish out there. I’ve stopped printing my weekly training plan and some days I have no idea what the next day will bring, nor do I overly care so much. I used to know every detail of what the week ahead would hold.

I really don’t know what led to the change in my relationship with running, but because it was important, I prayed about it. I prayed for well over a year, often desperately. In January and February of last year, when I was not running, I was at a low point. William tried to console me one evening, It’s just a little injury. Give it a couple of weeks and you’ll be back to normal. You’re fine.

It’s not, though, I responded. This is major. This is going to take a very long time. I don’t know how but sometimes I just know things. I knew the ‘little’ injury no one could explain was not so little, that it went way beyond the physical, that it was going to change me. That I had a long climb down before I could start climbing back up. In my desperate conversations with Jesus, I asked him to make it obvious if the answer was no, if I needed to set down this running hobby. I asked him to slam the door shut in my face and please, oh please God, just take away my desire to run. Help me find other hobbies. Help me find balance that is healthy. Help me not trade one obsessive, addictive tendency for another, i.e. food for running and vice versa.

He did not slam the door shut in my face. There was a crack, and I cautiously, fearfully tip-toed through it, all the while expecting it to still slam closed. Even so, I’d catch glimpses of affirmation, out of nowhere, often on days that were otherwise real downers. One came sometime in the fall. I was in the middle of a run, in pain, frustrated, and a little depressed about the situation. Even so, I was like an earthworm; I could feel the light at the end of the tunnel, even if I could not see it. That little gift of His affirmation was enough to keep me trudging upwards through the mud.

At some point, months before that February run in ABP, I stopped praying about running or physical healing without even realizing it, and my conversations with Jesus were more friend-like, not so tied to an outcome, and more in line with asking for direction with the big-picture of life, and not some non-essential hobby.

It’s often hard to say where one story ends and another begins. I don’t know when I began identifying myself as perpetually injured, or not good enough, or not worthy enough to go after goals. Or when I decided to set down that story and begin another one. It probably doesn’t matter. And I can’t really explain it, not even to myself. Why running? And why share about it? Why write and have an often too-personal blog? During the past year of prayer, several things became clear: It’s not really about me and there’s a purpose here that I don’t get to understand right now. I have some unsettled, fuzzy, too-big-to-understand running dreams that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to make them. The door keeps quietly opening, little by little, and though I’m afraid to try, I hear Him asking me to keep walking with faith, a few steps each day.

Like that day in Alton Baker Park, more recently on another run that wasn’t going all that well, I had another flash of realization. I realized I feel in a very powerful place these days, truly as if there is an energy in my physical and spiritual self not entirely of me, as this unexplainable journey I’ve been on, with all its painful, difficult, individual traumas is part of the transition upwards, out of the mindset of I can’t, I don’t get to, and I’m not good enough that I’ve been carrying around during this lifetime. In that moment, the journey itself sparkled beautifully before me, with all its ups and downs. I realized then I want to explore a concept I haven’t explored in a while: What if I can? What if I get to? What if I am good enough? What if I stop worrying about whether the door will slam in my face and instead concentrate on finding out what’s on the other side of the door?

I want to find out what I’m capable of; I want to find out what He is capable of doing in me. I want to do His work. I want to walk to the edge where He leads and see what He has for me to see. Right now, for whatever reason, running is part of that. And even though I feel in a powerful place, there are still doubts. There are days and little moments where I take a step back, look at the bigger picture of how I currently feel physically and what quiet affirmations I feel in my heart, and tell myself, lady, you’re either really fucking crazy, or on to something. I prefer to believe I’m on to something.

Reflection: I want to make clear this is my journey, and I’ve had a whole slew of professionals advise me. I do not recommend running through an injury unless under the supervision of a professional. I also have explored, in depth, my relationship between running, my eating disorder, and other behaviors that allow me to gain control. Running has always been intricately linked to my eating disorder, as I began running shortly before I began controlling food, and it likely served as a catalyst for the ensuing food and body image problems to surface. With that being said, those problems were there long before I began running regularly, and running has become one of the ways I deeply connect with my faith, with where I learn about myself, with how I finally came to love and feel comfortable in my body, and where I let go of other life problems. Two great articles I’ve enjoyed over the last few weeks include Gena’s reflection on How it Feels to Leave an Eating Disorder Behind and When Exercise Becomes an Addiction. I believe there is a place for endurance and/or competitive sports in the recovery process, and really enjoyed Julia’s podcast interview with Rich Roll on How to Take Ownership of Your Evolution, especially his thoughts on how athletic endeavors can fit into the recovery journey.

Spring

Spring Cleaning + Kitchen Essentials

March 28, 2016March 28, 2016by Rebecca2 Comments

William and I moved six times in the last six years of living together and every time we’ve moved, the amount of things we’ve chosen to take along has grown smaller. Even though our new home cannot be considered large, it feels spacious to us. Part of this is because we decided to buy a house with a converted garage, and in lieu of accumulating stuff there, we have a “formal” dining room, complete with one homely kitchen table and a lot of floor space. After almost four months, there are still empty cupboards in the kitchen, and an otherwise empty spare room with one lonely box of decorations sitting in its center.

We got rid of furniture, too, and have so far decided not to replace. The picture I’m painting might seem sparse and uncomfortable-sounding, but I like this blank slate phase. I want to take my time to fill (or not fill) it with only meaningful or necessary things. Ideally, that means less. Hence the reason the decorations are still in a box.

Fittingly, BlueStar Cooking recently reached out to me to share tips for spring cleaning the things in our kitchens, where if you’re like me, unnecessary gadgets tend to accumulate. When we were moving last, I consolidated and donated a nice pile of kitchen goodies that were no longer necessary. This is what remains:

Can you tell I still have work to do?

How to Begin: A couple years ago, I decided I had too much kitchen stuff. First, I asked myself the question: What is absolutely essential? What can I not live without? I learned from two extended stints in student accommodation in Europe that less is absolutely more. For me, a rubber spatula, couple large wooden spoons, whisk and mini-whisk, citrus juicer, and a microzester, a good chef’s and serrated knife, along with a cutting board are the essential gadgets for almost all basic cooking. I cook with a lot of citrus and spices, so depending on your cooking style, you may opt for even less.

Second, let go of all small kitchen appliances that aren’t essential. Small appliances take up a lot of space. Recognizing this, I basically stripped the appliances down to what we use regularly. For us, this includes:

An electric tea kettle, toaster, mini-food processor, and spice/coffee grinder. We also have a large Kitchen Aid mixer, waffle iron, and indoor grill tucked away, but they get infrequent use.

Third, eliminate clutter. I’m terrible at accumulating clutter, even though it makes me cranky and anxious. Our rule for small appliances is that only the tea kettle can take up counter space since we use it constantly. The rest needs to fit in the cupboards.

Essentials:

a good chef’s knife + a cutting board – Find a quality knife that feels good in your hand. You’ll know it’s the one when it feels right. I like mine to be a little on the heavier side as it feels more stable.
electric kettle – We’re not regular coffee drinkers but we love tea. Like multiple cups a day. An electric kettle boils water fast, plus I use it when cooking often for when I need hot water. My current one has a few settings for heating water to different temperatures. I frequently use the lowest setting for sipping warm water with lemon during these chillier months.
Le Creuset 2 qt. dutch oven – These are spendy, but I’ve had mine at least 10 years and use it almost daily. It’s my favorite pan for cooking grains. I get perfectly steamed rice with no sticky mess on the bottom every time. Some day, I’ll probably invest in one or two more in larger sizes.
fine mesh strainer – I use it almost as much as the tea kettle and dutch oven, to wash and rinse grains and beans, to strain small batches of pasta, and rinse small fruits like berries.
food processor and/or blender – I consider one of these essential for making sauces, dressings, smoothies, puréeing soups, etc. Admittedly, I broke an old hand-me-down blender a few months ago and still haven’t replaced it. My food processor is an old mini and since it’s still working, I haven’t been in a rush to upgrade.
kitchen scale – I use mine almost daily, but I’m OCD about measurements and portion sizes. Also, it comes in handy when converting baking recipes to gluten-free and figuring out how much is one pound of beans or broccoli.
microzester and citrus juicer – I’m including both of these since I use them so often. The zester is great for fresh ginger, and adding a touch of lemon or orange zest to meals or desserts.

Wish List: Our last kitchen left much to be desired. We had a mini-oven and dishwasher and neither worked well. So I’ve hardly a complaint or desire for more in my new kitchen, which came with all new appliances. We have several items on our projects and wish lists for the house, but I’ve been eyeing a new high-speed blender from either Vitamix or Blendtec for a while now. Eventually, I’d like to replace the tile counter tops in our kitchen for easier cleaning, and to install a new hood above the stove that vents to the outside. What I like about BlueStar, is they create commercial quality products for home kitchens in a ton of customizable colors and options. I’ve been having fun looking at the photo galleries of chefs’ home kitchens on their site, and am inspired by their collection of ranges, cooktops, wall ovens, and hoods. It makes me both glad and sad that I don’t have to make any big kitchen-remodel decisions any time soon. I’m terribly indecisive!

What are your spring cleaning tips, kitchen essentials, or wish list items?

Autumn, Running, Spring

Coconut Grape Chia Pudding

March 21, 2016March 21, 2016by Rebecca16 Comments

Most of my friends and aquaintances know me as the girl that knows a bit about agriculture and growing vegetables. Few of them remember or know that I started out in college as an English major, or that I actually did continue to take English classes all the way through, receiving a minor instead. All my favorite classes as an undergrad were in the English department, not the college of agriculture. I particularly enjoyed the upper division writing and research-intensive classes as I enjoyed reading others’ research even more than I enjoyed actually reading the classic literature itself.

What I’ve been particularly excited about since deciding to go back to school is the opportunity to dive back into the academic literature—this time in a way that is a little more applicable and interesting to me now than the cohesion of magic and religious practices in medieval literature. Like grape juice. Is grape juice beneficial? Will the grape juice in my freezer enhance my athletic pursuits? Can it do other things?

I’ve had a gallon of really tasty homemade/homegrown grape juice hanging out in the freezer for over a year now. My best friend’s parents gifted it to us for Christmas in 2014. Having already used half of it last year, I knew it was good. But I rarely ever crave a glass of juice, let alone a gallon of it. And William, though he’s quite keen on green juice, proclaimed grape juice is for summer, and turned up his nose when I asked if he’d drink it.

After defrosting the juice, I noticed the thick must from the home-pressing settling at the bottom. It looked, smelled, and tasted like there was a lot of nutrition there, in a good way. Since tart cherry, pomegranate, and beet juice have all been in the research and news these last few years for their benefits to athletes, I started wondering what the verdict has been on grape juice? I did a quick initial search and scan through peer-reviewed journals, and though there’s not an overwhelming amount of research on grape juice and exercise, there is enough to suggest grape juice might increase running time-to-exhaustion (1), improve recovery (2) and immune function (3). What I’m really excited about is to learn how to pick apart the good research from the bad since a study can be found to support just about every viewpoint on any given topic.

For now, I’m comfortable with the idea that eating this coconut-grape chia pudding might have helped me avoid coming down with a full-blown cold last week when I was experiencing a little sore throat and depleted energy. Or it might have been that I recognized the signs and took it easy for a few days. In any case, I’ve been wanting to turn that grape juice into chia pudding for a while now, and as it turns out, grape juice thickened up with chia seeds and some coconut makes an excellent dessert, or breakfast, if you’re of the mind.

Coconut-Grape Chia Seed Pudding, makes 4 cups

The Recipe Redux challenged us to an easy, seven-ingredient-or-less recipe this month since it’s Income Tax Season. What I like about this recipe is that it makes a big batch, can last for several days or feed a crowd, and can be interchanged with another type of juice for a flavor mix-up. I prefer to serve it with tangy yogurt and crunchy granola, to create more of a parfait, but the chia pudding is also quite nice on its own.

3/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

3/4 cup chia seeds

4 cups 100% grape juice

1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

granola of choice, optional

plain unsweetened coconut yogurt, optional

peanut butter, optional

In a medium bowl, whisk the chia seeds, coconut flakes, vanilla extract, and grape juice together. Let sit out for a few minutes and then whisk again to make sure the chia seeds are evenly distributed. Chill in the fridge for at least 4 hours or overnight.
Remove from the fridge, spoon into dishes, and serve as is or with the optional mix-ins.

References:

Toscano, L.T., Tavares, R.L., Toscano, T.T., Oliveira da Silva, C.S., Monteiro de Almeida, A.E., Biasoto, A.C.T.,…and Silva, A.S. (2015). Potential ergogenic activity of grape juice in runners. Applied Physiology, Nutrition, and Metabolism. 40(9): 899-906.
Dalla Corte, C.L, De Carvalho, N.R., Amaral, G.P., Puntel, G.O., Silva, L.F.A., Retamoso, L.T.,…and Soares, F.A.A. (2013). Antioxidant effect of organic purple grape juice on exhaustive exercise. Applied Physiology, Nutrition, and Metabolism. 38(5): 558-565.
UPI NewsTrack. (2008). Quercetin, found in produce, fights flu. Business Insights: Global. Web. 20 Mar. 2016.